The Girl who cried Woolf

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Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:48:04 +1100

Pulled

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:47:39 +1100

I am doing the best that I possibly can. There is nothing left. I have no more to give. There is nothing more within me to have. I have been pulled, and stretched as far as I can go.

But it’s not enough.

And I can’t say any of this because I will cry and I can’t cry because I have nothing left.

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Sat, 23 Mar 2013 01:51:50 +1100

I am chronic. But I am incurable because I am not sick. I have a malignant personality. I am a toxic...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 01:48:55 +1100

I am chronic. But I am incurable because I am not sick. I have a malignant personality.

I am a toxic leech, incapable of doing anything. I can run, and I can eat, and I can sleep. I can weigh myself incessantly every hour and meticulously count every calorie. But beyond that, I am at a loss.

I am an empty shell, staring into space. I am a silent onlooker, watching life fly by. I am a blank canvas, with potential ruined by passing time.

I am a lazy shit, who can’t get her act together and just write a stupid fucking simple essay. I can’t do anything I’m supposed to do, or want to do, or need to do to be the person I long to be.

I am pathological and I am compulsive and I am addictive.
This passive madness is horrifying.

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Sat, 23 Mar 2013 01:47:21 +1100

Girl at uni: Are you happy, Olivia?

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:29:28 +1100

Girl at uni: Are you happy, Olivia?
Me: Well that is a bit of a loaded question!

"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul"

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 00:38:13 +1100

“I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul”

- William Ernest Henley

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Sun, 17 Mar 2013 00:38:00 +1100

I am the author of my fate.I am the force that moves this shell.I am the choice that chooses to live...

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 00:36:54 +1100

I am the author of my fate.
I am the force that moves this shell.
I am the choice that chooses to live as I lived today.
I am the breath that breathes life into this soul again.

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Sun, 17 Mar 2013 00:36:02 +1100

It is so easy to get lost into the early hours of the morning. Like a rip tide that pulls you out to...

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 04:40:59 +1100

It is so easy to get lost into the early hours of the morning. Like a rip tide that pulls you out to sea, gradually the shore recedes, until all at once you find yourself desolate and only, surrounded by nothing but the vast ocean.

After midnight, white noise fades into the gentle hum of cicadas. People succumb into slumber. Responsibilities fall away. And I am left all alone.

I like the night. I like it’s peace. Here in the gentle hours of the dark is breathing space. Sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously allow myself to stay up late just for this unrivalled tranquility.

Just doing some late night blogging with my cat.

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 04:05:11 +1100

Just doing some late night blogging with my cat.

A Smile and a Ribbon, Patience and Prudence

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 02:00:34 +1100

A Smile and a Ribbon, Patience and Prudence

Chameleon, I

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:10:41 +1100

I’ve come to realise that I am actually a boring person. In particular, conversationally. I can’t entertain, I don’t enthrall, and I’m not interesting. I’m just generally not all that fun to be around. Not like I used to be. It’s no wonder people don’t ask me over or invite me places; they don’t want to hang out with me.

Years of sadness and many more of nothing but forced conversations with doctors about me, myself and I, have ruined me. It’s like I’ve lost all ability to think on a normal level and connect with functional human beings.

What is a chameleon when she is without a defining tide? What happens if there is nothing to reflect? What is a chameleon when she is alone? 

This is quite a sad revelation.

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Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:09:11 +1100

Saw Angela Lansbury in the opening night of ‘Driving Miss...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:17:00 +1100

Saw Angela Lansbury in the opening night of ‘Driving Miss Daisy’, tickets courtesy of my uni.

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Sat, 02 Mar 2013 01:46:37 +1100

Lately, it’s like the world is out of focus. I’m more of a shell, a cocoon of my conscious self, but...

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 01:44:00 +1100

Lately, it’s like the world is out of focus.

I’m more of a shell, a cocoon of my conscious self, but I’m not really there. Or maybe it’s that I’ve crawled too far into myself and now I’m stuck inside.

My mind is in Elsewhere while my body’s on autopilot. I’m looking, but I’m not seeing. I’m hearing, but I’m not listening. I’m responding, but not digesting.

Is this tiredness or dissociation? Laziness or depression?

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Sat, 02 Mar 2013 01:41:39 +1100

"Do you take pride in your hurt? Does it make you seem large and tragic? Well, think about it. Maybe..."

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 02:13:57 +1100

“Do you take pride in your hurt? Does it make you seem large and tragic? Well, think about it. Maybe you’re playing a part on a stage with only yourself as audience.”

- ‘East of Eden’, John Steinbeck